Living In The Grey

January is historically long. Our days on the West Coast of BC are still too dark to go out early for a walk or do something outside of work. We have survived Christmas (barely) and can only coast from here until the weather shifts.Everything is dead outside, and warmer weather feels like a long way away unless you have a trip planned for March break.

Some of us have already failed our New Year’s resolutions and stopped going to the gym. Or your dry January hasn’t been as easy, either. Then, the baton passed in the US, and the aftermath was a trainwreck. 

Everywhere I glance, I see chaos. I am finding it difficult to believe what I am seeing and reading. I enjoy dystopian literature and movies, but living in a time where what is absurd is the reality hits differently. This isn’t entertainment—real people doing life, humans with flesh and hearts, dehumanized. 

My eyes and heart take in the anger, grief, and confusion. The only way to stop feeling is to turn away, but I can’t. 

Or rather, I won’t. I do have to find ways to take a break from this dystopian reality show. Turn off all notifications. Set aside time during the day to do the scroll by and limit the number of direct engagements around political climates. 

Dan Harris, host of the 10% Happier Podcast, describes our collective experience as “swamped in feelings.” 

Yes, Dan, that’s a good word. Swamped. 

There is nothing refreshing about a swamp. You don’t want to swim in a swamp or lounge by the shore of a swamp. I don’t want to linger here long, but I cannot avoid that it exists. And this swamp of feelings is my responsibility to tend. 

We are so eager to cross emotional boundaries and manage one another’s swampy feelings. You will know this when I remind you of that post you liked. The comments following took a turn, and you connected to the gurgle of rage that someone would have the audacity to say that horrible thing. 

Right there, that’s the moment. If you catch it, you can deescalate your swamp and not contaminate someone else’s already polluted emotional waters. 

It is wild right now, I know. We cannot even be sure we are communicating with actual humans online. Read that again. See what I mean- dystopia knocking on our doors.

We have to stop, slow down, and ask ourselves if we are seeing or reading something that is true. Our reality has become untrustworthy. It is no wonder humans behave abhorrently. That can happen when folks respond from places of fear or uncertainty. 

If empathy is the ability to feel what others feel. If empathy exists innately for you, like it does for me, you are tired too. Exhausted by how vast the emotional pit extends? Then take good care. Be kind to your people. Be kind to yourself. Take time away from reading or viewing the weird and horrible. Lean into the experiences you can trust- whatever is good,right and true.